Short jokes series

This is only for 1-line jokes . So here it goes:

Policeman to a condom : "Cover me,i'm going in!"

sex nd drugs nd rock n roll speed nd weed birth controle life is a bitch nd then u die so fuck da world n lets get hi

i would like to die in my sleep just like my grandpa... not screaming like his passengers

what do you get who you cross lsd and birth control.. a trip with out the kids

WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

What do you call an intelligent blonde? A Golden Retriever.

A man visits the doctor. The doctor says "I have bad news for you.You have cancer and Alzhiemer's disease". The man replies "Well,thank God I don't have cancer!"

He who laughs last doesn't get the joke.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.


For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)

Death is hereditary.

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die

good jokes

What did the Zero say to the Eight?
Nice Belt

Kiss- Height of luv
Nipple- Peak of luv
Boobs- Shape of luv
Penis- Length of luv
Pussy- Depth of luv
Ass- Base of luv
Testicles- Weight of luv
Fuck- Experience of luv
Suck- Taste of luv
Masturbation- Substitute of luv
Condom- Care of luv
Sperm- Cream of luv
Marriage- Mistake of luv
Pregnancy- Proof of luv
Child- Outcome of luv

Litte Boy: Daddy, where did I come from?
Daddy: You came from the stork
Little Boy: Ewww, you fuc ked a stork

Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

Q: What's the difference between good & bad gals?
A: Good gals loosen a few buttons when it's hot, bad gals make it hot by loosening a few buttons!

Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal

A history professor and a psychology professor were sitting on a deck at a nudist colony.
The history professor asked the psychology professor, "Have you read Marx?"
The psychology professor replied, "Yes, I think they are from the wicker chairs

I took my secretary to lunch the other day, and I discovered she was not the old fashioned type. After two old fashions she couldn't type.

In a survey, 80 percent of women thought their ass was too fat, 15 percent said their ass was too thin and the other five per cent said they didn't care - they would have married him anyway

A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that she looks extremely beautiful when her lips r closed

Another Moon?... Possible
Another Sun?... Possible
Another Sky?... Possible
Another person Like U?... Impossible
'Coz God can't make the same Mistake twice

Girls Psychology - Fraud with Innocent Boys; Fun with Handsome Boys; Friendship with Charming Boys; Contacts with Intelligent Boys; Flirt with Freaky Boys; Love with Faithful Boys & in the end Marriage with the Rich Boy

U luv sumone... u marry sumone else. The one u marry becomes ur wife or husband & the one u loved becomes the password of your emai id

A boy goes to see a cabare dance. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see?
Boy: Yes, I saw dad

Do u know similarity between Dinosaurs and Decent Girls?
Both don't exist

Three dreams of a man: To be as handsome as his mother thinks. To be as rich as his child believes. To have as many women as his wife suspects

Three dreams of a man: To be as handsome as his mother thinks. To be as rich as his child believes. To have as many women as his wife suspects

Always start your day with a lot of S E X
S-mile
E-nergy
X-citement
so make SEX a daily habit, & u'll always be SMILING

Sex f***ing rules

A man walks in2 a bar ouch

its someones 18th nithday,and he has no arms,legs or a body (they just a head)so his dad takes him out for a drink at the pub.the 18 year old drinks apint and grows a arm,he drinks another and grows another arm ,then he drinks 3 more pints and grows legs and a body.he walks outside and get hit by a truck,the barman says"he should have quit while he was a head"

if a smart blonde, a thick blonde and a picksie were to jumb off a building at the same time which one would hit the florr first?
The thick blonde because the other 2 dont exist
lol

man there are funny jokes here good one guys lol

but you gotta admt that the mama jokes are funn aswell