Short jokes series

This is only for 1-line jokes . So here it goes:

Policeman to a condom : "Cover me,i'm going in!"

does anyone chat

no offence but you dont need to right that every forum

I know they're quotes, but some of them are really good:

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz


The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman


A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. A. Whitney Brown

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein


"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together."


In God we trust; all others must pay cash.


This is a quantum car. I don't know where I am, but I'm going really fast.


Gene Police: You!! Out Of The Pool!

I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack.
-- Demetri Martin

In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory.
-- Les Dawson
If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!
-- Milton Jones

A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China. He's out there now...trying to win a trip back!
-- Jerry Dennis

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
-- Emo Philips

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
-- Tommy Cooper

We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home.
-- Gene Perret

I ain't saying the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance...she leaned over and pushed me.
-- Anonymous

A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, "Did you miss a step?"

"No," he answers, "I hit every one of them!"
-- Milton Berle

Those prizes in Cracker Jacks are a joke. I once got a magnifying glass. It was so poorly made, ants were laughing at it.
-- Scott Roeben

Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.
-- Harry Hill

I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace.
-- Tommy Cooper I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.
-- Tommy Cooper

Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaagghhh!!' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
-- Tommy Cooper

"So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'
-- Tim Vine

great post Head4heart, really funny ones

i agree there all good and funny

peepee peepee

finnaly someone can talk what up you a newbee a im not l l

finnaly someone can talk what up you a newbee a im not l l

bla

finnaly someone can talk what up you a newbee a im not l l

bla

whats blahh

whats blahh

ya mum ya trik ya

whats blahh

hay thats my word yopu know that i always say that

ya mum ya trik ya

ya mum ya trik ya

why do you lot keep repeating comments

sorry it was my computer lol are you there cocowaba???

and by the cocowaba you god dam well know i use that word yaa trik yaaa

what the hell
i can bearly understand a word your saying

cocowaba is a friend of mine and i always use the fraze yaa trik yaaa and now he is taking my phrase im gonna get him

any way are you there cocowaba???
ll

what up crazymonkey im herher lol

what up crazymonkey im here here lol popopopo

i knew you would be here soobner or later

wait is cocowaba a boy or a girl coz im really confused

its a guy dont get confuysed

In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.