First of all, you have a manual, so that pretty much takes care of the entire theft problem.

At least they left the frame in place. Now all I need is to buy... everything.

Seems that Jesus took the wheel after all. Just too late and not the one I was referring to.

This guy deserves to have his bike stolen. If basic geometry and physics is not something he mastered before riding a bike then it's too late.

Kids with bikes today sure are a lot more stupid than they used to be.

Q: How do you spot a future former bike owner? A: By his overwhelming skill of locking his bike to a railing.

Want to make purchases beyond $50? Then be prepared to show us some fake ID. You ain't getting away with it that easily.

Your iPhone has been kidnapped. I need sustenance and you need your phone back.

There are a lot of thieves around here so you better place all your valuables under your watch.

Write this down and rest assured nobody will ever think about stealing it. Hell, your friends will not touch it either.