Keep yourselves sober and not mashed. I only like mashed potatoes.

So the gyms are closed, but I can still get my workout while having the best beverage out there. Win-win!

I slapped your face while I was drunk, but here's some tasty bacon so you'll forgive my manners.

I keep drinking but this Moderation guy still hasn't shown up. How am I supposed to drink with him this way?

He didn't forget it. It's just extra crispy, the way he likes it.

There is a slight difference between being a drunk and being an alcoholic. Being a drunk is way more fun.

Got to get my girlfriend one of these dresses. She will be the life of any party.

I guess there really was a support group tailored to my needs.

Ladies and gentlemen, please meet Abraham Drinkin'.

Remember to hug your toilet more often and not only when drunk.