My wife is always playing that baby card for everything she does.

Ever had that picture taken at just the right angle? Like this?

Totally worth naming his kid James.

I simply cannot take any chances with my precious keg. The kid? Oh, he's chilling, in the trunk.

I should have went with an iPhone, it's way cheaper to get woken up randomly during the night.

Ever since she became pregnant she seems to be more creative with her meal requests

You think you look weird? I have a babyface for a knee.

Don't know about you guys, but my baby will surely grow up to be a straight legit baller!

Your current position won't last long so grab them while it's still considered cute and innocent.

Be sure to take advantage of your innocence while being a kid and just grab all the breasts you can before it becomes socially unacceptable.