Rather than explain to someone why you couldn't wipe, just show them this photo. They'll understand.
This is where mr spider lives. And this is exactly why I'm running far away from this place with these quite large spiders.
This looks like a plot for an action-hero movie waiting to unfold.
A spider killed my snake? Better burn down the house, just to be sure that spider gets toast.
We better not take any chances with this one. I'm taking out my gun and we are eliminating the threat now.
By all means, roll the cameras and take out the spiders.
Only when the spider disappears you'll have that "oh shit" moment.
Watch out for the extremely dangerous spider ahead.
That spider didn't knew what he hit him. AUTCH!
Now that's the quickest cure for constipation. Autch.