Rather than explain to someone why you couldn't wipe, just show them this photo. They'll understand.
This looks like a plot for an action-hero movie waiting to unfold.
A spider killed my snake? Better burn down the house, just to be sure that spider gets toast.
Only when the spider disappears you'll have that "oh shit" moment.
Watch out for the extremely dangerous spider ahead.
That spider didn't knew what he hit him. AUTCH!
Now that's the quickest cure for constipation. Autch.